Sharks That You Should Bully (Because They’re Different)

We’ve all seen Jaws, or at least the poster for it. Thus, we know what a typical shark looks like. Now, any shark that doesn’t look and behave like the shark we’re familiar with is strange, different, and deserving of some uncalled for name calling.

Greenland Shark 

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With an unpronounceable scientific name, Somniosus microcephalus, that translate to “sleep,” this shark lives more lazily than Homer Simpson. Typically, this shark moves at one mile per hour. Plus, ingesting this shark has been known to cause vomiting, diarrhea, convulsions, and the appearance of drunkenness. Oh! Did we mention that they have abnormally long lives? Some of these sharks live to be nearly 400 years old.

Recommended Names: Sleepy Shark and Drinky Drunky Fish

Demon Catshark

NOAA Ocean Explorer: Bioluminescence 2009:  Living Light on the
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Not a demonic shark, just misunderstood. With over 32 species of demon catshark, scientists don’t know much about this shark. Feeding on squid and crustacean 7000ft beneath the sea, this punny poopsie grows to be only 2ft long. Their weird glowing demonic eyes are the reason for the whole calling them a “demon” catshark thing.

Recommended Names: Shrimpy Shark and Glow Face

 

Cookiecutter Shark

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This fish’s face will haunt our nightmares. The cookiecutter sharks stay 3200ft underneath the ocean’s surface during the day (to hide their shame), and they wander up during the night to hunt. These shark uses their lips to make suction cups on their prey and rotate to cut out circles of meat. Usually, these fish are under 2ft in length, so a run-in with one of these weirdies probably wouldn’t be deadly, but its would face give you a fright.

Recommended Names: Tainted Cookie and Scary McScareFace

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