Yesterday was Tiffany’s special day, her wedding day. She married longtime partner and pilot of his own life Tony. It had been a long road to the altar: the couple broke up once, only to get back together six months later, only to break up again, only to get back together six months later. Shortly thereafter, they broke up again, only to get back together three months later – a noticeable improvement in Tiffany’s opinion.
Last Fall, stereotypical guy who can’t get his life together Tony proposed to his sweetheart of four years (including their “off” time) Tiffany. Sitting under string lights at the local cafe where they first met, Tiffany and Tony drank lattes, ate croissants, and talked about all of the good times they shared. After Tiffany finished her croissant, she naturally wanted a second one. Tony, being the gentleman that he is, went to the counter to get her another croissant.
Coming back to the table, Tony passed Tiffany a brown wax paper bag with “croissant” written on it in smelly black Sharpie. She began to worry for her croissant. To Tiffany, the bag looked too flat to contain her buttery, fluffy, classic croissant. She reached her hand into the bag and pulled out a diamond ring. Tiffany was angry. Tiffany wanted a croissant. Tony never listens to her, and this time was no different.
Tony, smiling from ear to ear, was already back in his seat across from Tiffany. “So, what do you say?” he asked.
“I say… this is not a croissant,” Tiffany answered through her teeth.
“Of course not, it’s an engagement ring,” replied good-for-nothing Tony.
In her obvious agitation, Tiffany explained that when she said she wanted a croissant, she meant it. She dropped the ring back into the pastry bag and crumpled the bag into a ball. There was no way that ring was edible, and Tiffany needs food to live.
After two minutes of awkward silence, Tony came up with the idea to get the croissant that he had originally told Tiffany he would get for her. He leaped up from the table, saying “Be right back.” As soon as Tony was out of Tiffany’s sight, she considered leaving the cafe, hitch-hiking her way to a train station, and taking a train to Vegas. But who was she kidding? Stories that include women hitch-hiking don’t end with a happy impromptu stay in Vegas. She stayed seated for her own safety.
Tony walked back to the table with another wax paper pastry bag in hand. This time, a delicious classic croissant was inside of the bag. Tensions relaxed as Tiffany ate her second croissant. She recognized that Tony isn’t perfect, but maybe he’ll change one day. Besides, she loves him, and he brings her croissants. She finished her pastry and accepted his proposal. The couple left the Starbucks happier than ever.
Their wedding was just as lovely as the proposal. Come back next Satire Tuesday to learn all about it.